Mindset is a term many of us have heard of, but may not be completely familiar with. The dictionary defines mindset as ‘a fixed attitude, disposition or mood; an intention or inclination.’
We see examples of the power of mindset all around us. Olympic athletes putting on a shockingly stunning performance; nerves and pressure keeping an athlete from performing their best; people overcoming obstacles in their relationships or professional careers; folks beating cancer; the all-too-popular ‘rags to riches stories; people leaving abusive relationships. The list goes on.
A truly powerful example of how mindset can determine an outcome comes from my friend Richard.
He was eight years old when his best neighborhood friend moved to a new home some distance away. When his friend’s dad took Richard to the new development to check it out, Richard was crippled with fear and anxiety and felt like he wasn’t there.
He came home later that evening and went to bed. However, his anxiety propelled him out of bed and into his parent's room to tell them how he was feeling. Then, the unthinkable happened. His mom sat up in bed and yelled “YOU’RE ANXIOUS! YOUR CRAZY! FROM NOW ON YOU WILL HAVE TO RAISE YOURSELF EMOTIONALLY!”
Richard was devastated after hearing those words. He ended up turning to his friends for emotional support. They were helpful, but he was missing out on the love and emotional connection he needed from his parents.
The nightmare continued as he grew up. His mom told Richard later in life he didn’t know how to save money, would fail in business, and wasn’t going to amount to anything.
However, against insurmountable emotional odds, Richard got himself through school, earned a college degree, and went on to become a very successful businessman. He was nominated to Who’s Who in American Business and was one of the top salespeople in Baltimore. He credits his success to his determination to prove his parents wrong.
However, the challenges were far from over. In 2001, he began another slide. His business suffered through 9/11 and he lost 90-percent of his clients two months later. Richard was forced to curtail his spending and had to learn to live on Social Security Disability income.
The hard times continued until August 2011, when Richard says his “biggest breakthrough” came in his emotional healing. It happened when a doctor told him “You’re not depressed. You’re demoralized.” The mental health specialist then explained, "Being demoralized means that you have had so many defeats that you feel like you can't get up again."
Richard further learned what ‘demoralized’ meant during two separate NFL football games. The first lesson came when the Cleveland Browns took on the Green Bay Packers during an NFL game in 1967. Both teams were accomplished, but the Packers scored an NFL record of 42 points in the first quarter, knocking the air out of the Browns’ balloon. Cleveland gave up and lost the game, 55-7.
The next came during a 1992 Playoff Game between the Houston Oilers and the Buffalo Bills. Houston led the Bills, 35-3 in the middle of the third quarter, but it appeared Houston was trying to humiliate the Bills, and the Bills got mad. The team’s backup quarterback, Frank Reich, then led the Bills to five touchdowns and the game went into sudden death. Reich then drove his team down the field and the Bills scored the winning field goal. The momentum carried the team into the Super Bowl, where they beat Pittsburgh.
Richard learned a valuable lesson about how Mindset can change your circumstances and your life.
This lesson helped Richard get through 2021, a year he calls “the hardest year of my life.”
After being named the Top Uber Driver in Baltimore for 21 consecutive months, an accomplishment he is very proud of, Richard’s luck ran out again. He fought off attempted
and a passenger injury accident caused by a drug dealer. Richard also “battled terrible sicknesses” and later lost his Uber gig.
His health woes continued until he saw a cardiologist in December. The doctor’s diagnosis: “If you smile more and think positively you CAN get better! The heart is an emotional organ. It responds in kind when we send it positive and negative messages. It also responds positively when we send it false positive messages.”
The next morning, Richard took his doctor’s prescription to heart, and he started a daily mantra, repeating “It’s all right. Everything is okay.” Big changes began to occur in his physical health and Richard was finally on the road toward recovery.
But, one big emotional obstacle remained. He had not forgiven his mother. He made peace with her shortly before she died, but he couldn’t get past saying the words, “I love you, but I don’t like you.”
In early February 2022, Richard, a Christian, saw his mother’s face when he woke up and heard God speak to him. He felt love and peace and said his final goodbye: “I love you, Mom.”
That is true emotional healing.